Be Still, My Beating Heart (Entry 2 of 2)
I had a rough morning for whatever reason. I could tell something was wrong due to the way I reacted over a conversation I had with a friend the other day. We talked again about it and it just made me feel even worse about myself because we both overanalyze everything to death. I just had to be like, “stop, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” But this is for me to sort out; it’s my problem.
It is very important that I say that he is a really good guy and I don’t fault him at all for how I feel, but like I said, having a “heavy heart” sucks. And being a pessimist makes it no easier! I like this quote, and it seems to jive with my 1/10 and 1/9 entries:
Other stuff is on my mind, but it is all a question mark to me, and not worth mentioning right now. Whenever I get into these melancholic ruts everything makes me feel all weird and I end up kicking myself over and over again.
I think 140 has snapped me out of it at least temporarily. I was so messed up this morning I showed up to that class an hour early - the wrong class. I have never done since I’ve been in college. Of course I ran into some more friends that wanted to talk about grad school applications and they started asking me all of these stupid questions…which just made me more upset. It is as if some energy is telling me to “knock it off.” So then I had to go home to take care of something, and then returned to class again.
Aside: I am convinced to improve my vocabulary because doing math for all of these years has really deteriorated it. For some reason I thought “rut” may be spelled “wrut” so I looked it up to be sure, and found this: In colloquial English, “to be in a rut” means to have a monotonous routine of activities or thoughts. But an alternative definition appears to be a “sexual desire or oestrus of…mammals.”
I guess I should find better words.
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If it is one person that knows days like this, it is Billy Joel:
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Of course, I cannot forget to mention my all-time favorite song by him, You’re Only Human (Second Wind): Lyrics, Story (I was surprised)